Parenting is Sacred Work
Happy Sunday.
How was your week?
As for me—it was a bit tough. But we got through it. Parenting isn’t easy for me. It’s the most rewarding and most challenging endeavor I’ve ever taken on. I chose my child, and I’m grateful that I did. But to say it’s been easy would be an understatement.
This week, in my parenting journey, I found myself face-to-face with the word entitlement: the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.
At the same time, my daughter was navigating overwhelm, frustration, and the painful feelings of being misunderstood—and not feeling fully seen or heard.
You see, for eighteen years I referred to my daughter (affectionately known as Bubbie) using the pronoun she. But this past summer, Bubbie shared with me that they now go by they/them.
I had no problem accepting my daughter as they are—a Queer, Non-binary human. I’ve been a weirdo my whole life. Since childhood, people have called me corny, quirky, weird, the black sheep, even crazy. And the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. My child was an early walker, early talker, early reader—always curious, always asking. Fascinated by animals and insects, planets and Japanese animation. A picky eater. A gamer. More at ease with boys than girls. I didn’t think much of it—they were just a little weirdo like me.
So when they came out as Queer, I wasn’t shocked or scared. In fact, I was relieved. I was glad they felt safe enough to share such a pivotal milestone in their personal journey.
What’s been hard—still—are the pronouns.
Me switching from she/her to they/them in everyday speech has been one of the most mentally taxing parts of this new journey for us. Sometimes it feels like I’m glitching. (Could be mid-forties brain fog. Or maybe the early signs of perimenopause.) And when I slip up and use the wrong pronoun, it cuts deep.
This week, they told me they expected more from me—as their mother. That I, of all people, should be more mindful. They said my generation seems resistant to change.
That hurt.
Me? Resisting change?
I thrive on change. I’m the biracial, immigrant child who came to America and learned the hard way that being a light-skinned Black woman with a Portuguese last name was the racial, gender, and cultural intersectional identity crisis that forced me into self-discovery. And now my child was accusing me of resisting their identity—because of a pronoun?
What about the Gen-Z generation expecting the world to change overnight?
It was too much.
We fought.
We went silent for a few days.
And then—we talked. Heart to heart.
After that conversation, I reflected. As the parent, I believe it’s my responsibility to model healthy behavior. And when I fall short—it cuts us both ways.
So, what’s the lesson here?
For my child: I need grace.
For me: asking for acknowledgment and reassurance is not the same as entitlement.
Parenting, if you allow it, will unravel you to your core. It will challenge your beliefs—about yourself, about the world, about your place in it. It will reveal the parts of you that still need to heal, soften, and grow.
My hope, through it all, is that my child feels seen, heard, valued, and deeply loved—for exactly who they are.
Here’s to parenting with grace, grit, and intention.
Sending you encouragement on your own parenting journey.
With love,
Mery
P.S.
One book I continue to return to is The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. It was a game-changer. Give it a read. Delve deep. And give yourself grace.
As my child so wisely says: (borrowed from one of their favorite movies, Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio):
“You’re doing your best, Mama. And our best is all we can do.”
💬 Drop me a private message and tell me:
What are some of the challenges you face as a parent?
How do you cope and work through them?
Any books or resources you'd recommend I check out?
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#GrowingThroughIt #LetsGrowTogether🪴
Little Bubbie being themselves.
19-year old me embracing my identity.
My beautiful Bubbie owning their identity.
17-year old me exploring my identity.
18-year old Bubbie, out and about being awesome.
About the Author
Mery Vieira is the founder of The LGLP Journal, a soft but strong space for healing, evolving, and stepping into your power. As a writer, brand strategist, and legacy builder, she shares honest reflections and practical tools to help women grow through life’s challenges and become the best version of themselves. Join the circle and connect on Instagram @theLGLPjournal