Parenting is Sacred Work: If We’re Open, It Can Teach Us
Happy Sunday.
How was your week?
As for me, it was a bit tough. But we got through it. Parenting isn’t easy for me. It’s the most rewarding and most challenging endeavor I’ve ever taken on. I chose my child, and I’m grateful that I did. But to say it’s been hard would be an understatement.
This week, in my parenting journey, I found myself face-to-face with the word entitlement: the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.
At the same time, my daughter was navigating overwhelm, frustration, and the painful feelings of being misunderstood, and not feeling fully seen or heard.
You see, for eighteen years I referred to my daughter (affectionately known as Bubbie) using the pronoun she. But this past summer, Bubbie shared with me that they now go by they/them.
I had no problem accepting my daughter as they are - a Queer, Non-binary human. I’ve been a weirdo my whole life. Since childhood, people have called me corny, quirky, weird, the black sheep, even crazy. And the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. My child was an early walker, early talker, early reader—always curious, always asking questions. These are traits that should be considered normal, even celebrated. But instead, they were often met with judgment from daycare staff and parent friends. They would say things like: “Mery, don’t you think you give your child too much freedom?” or “Ms. Vieira, we encourage the children to take naps and sit quietly during free time.” So many rules, and for what?
My “girl” child was fascinated by animals and insects, planets and animation. And my parent friends would say: “She likes boy stuff. Maybe you should put her in dance so she can make friends with other girls.” What?! Who were these people?! My child is also a picky eater, a gamer, and pattern recognition master and crushes it at chess. I never thought those things meant that something was wrong with my child. I thought it meant that they were their own little person, and I was proud of them for being exactly who they are.
So, when they came out as Queer, I wasn’t shocked or afraid. In fact, I was relieved. I was glad they felt safe enough to share such a pivotal milestone in their personal journey.
What’s been hard is the pronoun shift. Switching from she/her to they/them in everyday speech has been one of the most mentally taxing parts of this new journey for us.
This week, they told me that as their mother, they expected more from me. They said my generation seems resistant to change. And I can agree that many are resistant to change, but not I. As a former English major, I can tell that mentally shifting from “they/them” as plural pronouns to individual identity was a hard pivot. It just didn’t grammatically make sense. So, no - it’s not that I am resistant to change. It’s that I don’t have the proper words I need to communicate effectively to and about my child.
As a society we do not yet have sufficient language to express the full humanity of people like my child. Words are steeped in binary, patriarchal, old paradigms that no longer work. And, it’s going to take more than pronoun changes to get us to the point where words are available for communicating to and about ALL people.
So, yes - parenting, if you allow it, will unravel you to your core. It will challenge your beliefs about yourself, about the world, about your place in it. It will reveal the parts of you that still need to heal, soften, and grow.
But, it may also help you realize that our children are opportunities to open our eyes to new ways of living and being. How incredible and awe-inspiring that I have the privilege of raising a human being that asks me to challenge my thoughts about what it means to live within and outside of gender norms. How cool is it that I have a child who reminds me that while labels and pronouns are the first step toward acknowledging their identity, my commitment to validating, protecting, and affirming who they are also includes publicly advocating for their humanity.
As my child so wisely says: (borrowed from one of their favorite movies, Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio):
“You’re doing your best, Mama. And our best is all we can do.”
Here’s to parenting with grace, intention, and unconditional love for our children.
Sending you encouragement on your own parenting journey.
With love,
Mery
P.S.
One book I continue to return to is The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. It was a game-changer. Give it a read. Delve deep. And give yourself grace.
💬 Drop me a private message and tell me:
What are some of the challenges you face as a parent?
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#GrowingThroughIt #LetsGrowTogether🪴
About the Author
Mery Vieira is the founder of The LGLP Journal, a soft but strong space for healing, evolving, and stepping into your power. As a writer, brand strategist, and legacy builder, she shares honest reflections and practical tools to help women grow through life’s challenges and become the best version of themselves. Join the circle and connect on Instagram @theLGLPjournal